November 9th 2018
No matter if your real. Or all in my head. I miss it. Sanity I mean. Being in control of my own mind. My own thoughts. But no one seems to care. Care that I’m not sane. They see what they see. But I wish sometimes someone understood. I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m pretty happy in my own most the time but sometimes…I wish that I did. It’s not like I couldn’t. I could have my pick of any of the guys I wanted, plenty see me like that but…mentally I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’m so used to being on my own that I don’t know if I’d know what to do with myself with a boyfriend. Emotional attachment isn’t something I really do well with. And just the way I view myself is a large issue. I don’t find myself attractive or confident or any of that and I feel like that would be an issue in a relationship especially if the guy genuinely saw me as attractive. He’d get fed up with the negativity surrounding me and leave. Frankly at the present moment I don’t understand why or how people find themselves infatuated or in love with me. I don’t have anymore going for me then any other single girl around me. I’m damaged, broken and no guy is going to want to fix that. None of my friends even stuck around for the deep stuff and people wonder why I have trust issues.